Reading, writing, and everything else.

An unfinished work in progress of Original Character, Queen Ornella, from the Night Mage Series.

The Challenges of Being a Creative Parent

As my kiddos settle into their back-to-school activities, I'm slowly adjusting to the small freedoms I have for my own creative life. Being a full-time parent has its difficulties, especially since most of my family and friends are in another province entirely. The work time I have solely relies on when the kiddos are in school.

You may think, "Well, that's not so bad," but when you struggle with motivations, like me, then everything becomes a challenge. It's a challenge to get out of bed, to make lunches, to clean, and most definitely to work on my creative pursuits. I think the main reason why everything is a challenge at the moment is because I've been recovering from creative burnout. I sometimes envy the people who can portray a well-put-together life, but then I remember that most people are hiding behind a mask.

The ocean of smiling faces is nothing more than a mirage of happiness. We want to look into this ideal like a mirror and see it reflected back on ourselves, but we are all individuals with our own stories and our own hidden battles.

So, I'm finished with peering into this mirror of disillusioned happiness. I'm starting out my September slowly. I'm working on small tasks to build up habits I want to have in the future. I'm pacing myself instead of rushing into projects. As much as I love working on monthly challenges and trying new things, I now have little ones who depend on me. They depend on me to help them understand life and to prepare them for a future where they can be successful.

Parenting is very easily portrayed as making sacrifices. I felt like I had to sacrifice my passions if I'm to be the best parent that I need to be, but I've learned to be open with my kiddos. I talk to them about the projects I've been working on, and in turn, they've become my biggest cheerleaders. They get excited about my characters or about what artwork I'm currently working on. Most importantly, my kiddos are even more excited to share their creative work with me.

"Everyday is a new fresh start. To go straight back to bed." — PewDiePie

Getting up and out of bed...

Every morning I wake up, and I hear my phone alarm piercing through a dream. And every morning, I pull my aching 40-year-old bones from the bed and think, "Damn, I still have a quarter of a century left on this planet. Why do my bones sound like a box of Rice Krispies cereal? I'm getting old, that's why."

"40 years? Am I that old already? I still feel like I'm in my thirties..." I push through my morning routine: bathroom, serving breakfast, making lunches, sending the kiddos off to school, and then finally sitting down to have a cup of coffee. Here I'll usually pull up a video to watch while I sip away at my lifeline.

"I've officially been a mother for ten years. Maybe that's why I still feel like I'm in my thirties." I think. Soon the coffee is finished, and now it's decision time. Do I work on my creative tasks? Or do I waste another day away pretending to work by sitting at my computer with open unfinished documents?

From the moment I became a mother, I unconsciously suspended a part of myself. As a result, my reflection aged, and my mind stayed young. Even throughout all of the fatigue of being a parent, I never felt I was growing older until my body started creaking like an old house. Then, I reminded myself, old houses can still tell stories.

Picking up my first book in ages...

As I battled with my creative burnout this past year, I lost interest in things that normally brought me a great deal of joy. Reading used to be a big part of my time. It was a major joint hobby I had with my adopted mother. It linked us. Even after her death, sevenish years ago, I continued to read, but my desires changed. Reading no longer fulfilled me.

I found myself consuming more film-type media, which isn't horrible. It is a fast form of entertainment that required little to no effort on my part. It wasn't until I realized how bored I had become that I missed reading. I missed creating.

So, I ventured to the library. I picked up books I thought I'd enjoy. Sometimes I'd read a few chapters, but mostly I'd put the book down and walk away from it. It didn't matter if the book was any good or not. I just wasn't ready to start reading again, but I kept trying until one day, I picked up a book about an author who got cancer. It was the first book I finished reading in a long time; not only that, I became inspired.

Of course, it would still be a struggle to finish reading books, but it's getting better. I've recently finished a book called Nobody's Fool by Harlan Coben, and now I'm reading another one by the same author called I Will Find You.

The point is I haven't given up on myself. I'm getting older, and the fatigue of being a parent, as well as a creative individual, is sometimes overwhelming, but as long as I take small steps toward my dreams, I will get to where I want to be.